


I See Fire

by n3mesism



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: (sort of), Angst, F/M, Het, Reader-Insert, Romance, i feel like i've forgotten something but [shrugs] oh well, i still can't believe i wrote in proper caps, lots of headcanon stuff and general just playing around with his character, this was also written way before anything was really known about Ushiwaka so
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-27
Updated: 2015-07-27
Packaged: 2018-04-11 14:25:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4438895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/n3mesism/pseuds/n3mesism
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Perhaps neither of you are at fault and all this blame - this heart beating fast in your chest and the heavy stone that seems to be sitting at the bottom of your stomach - all belong to fate.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I See Fire

**Author's Note:**

> I see fire,  
> Blood in the breeze,  
> And I hope that you remember me.  
> — I See Fire, _Ed Sheeran_

you are fire

You ask, 'Can you meet me after school?'

He replies, 'I have practice.' 

You brush it off, lips pressed together before your answer comes tumbling out, 'I'll be quick.'

The bell rings and you head back to your class. His eyes watch you walk away before the teacher grabs his attention.

Your pencil impatiently taps against your note-filled page as your teacher drones on. It's the same lecture that always seems to slip into her mind as the day nears its ending. The bell rings and you're the first one packed up and out of the room, probably as fast as him. It doesn't occur to you that - just maybe - you were on cleaning duty (luckily, you weren't) and that - just maybe - the teacher wanted to speak to you after class (sadly, she did). 

You fly through the halls as other students start to file out of their classrooms and clutter them. You catch him just as he's leaving the main building and heading towards the gym where the volleyball team meets. It doesn't take him long to remember why you're here and it doesn't take you long to get to the point. 

'I like you Ushijima-kun, please go out with me.'

His response is almost immediate, 'Alright.'

fire refuses to be ignored.  
it is violent, destructive; it **roars.**

Affection is a foreign language he doesn't speak and you are a traveler who only speaks in it. He's never said, 'No PDA,' but you've learnt that it hangs heavily in the air when you two are together and you hate it. 

He sits close enough to be beside you, but there is always distance. He walks beside you, but leaves enough space to fit a person. At first, you endure. You let him keep his distance, chalk it up to _this is his first relationship_ , but you are not a patient person, you are not a forgiving one either. You are fire, but he's the one setting flame to your last nerve. 

And one day, you explode. 

You yell at him, 'Why? Why do you keep me so far away?' He doesn't have a reply to your outburst, but he knows how to placate you. He takes you by the hand and leads you away from the staring eyes of his teammates and your classmates, leads you quietly to the place where you confessed to him. He looks you in the eyes and apologises.

But your laughter echoes in his ears because three months of dating doesn't allow someone to remain oblivious. You know his habits; how he practices his words perfectly in the mirror until he convinces himself it's real, how he memorises the lines he'll say to people like he's acting out a new role for a play, how he's subtly charming, subtly manipulative and hardly as straight-forward as everyone thinks he is. You know how he's not Oikawa Tooru with his flighty actions and charming demeanor, but he is manipulative in a honest, straight-forward way with, or without, meaning to be. 

You know his excuses like the back of your hand, and excuses will never do it for you.

but fires are fleeting, fickle.  
roaring one moment and flickering out the next.

You knew when you confessed that you would always be at least fifth to whatever lingered in his mind. You never knew about the gap that sat between the fourth and fifth item though. Even now, it grates your nerves and burns your patience. The list consists of four things, four things that keep you out of his mind constantly.

One: himself, but not in a self-centred sense. His skills, his ethic, his work. It's all more important than anything. Who he is and what he stands for is of utmost importance. His individual skill is what makes him fly on the court, what separates him from the rest of his team, what makes him stand out amongst the crowd of volleyball players in his year. 

Two: volleyball, the sport, the opponents, the rush of adrenaline you see rushing through him whenever he plays (the adrenaline you wish you could make pump in his veins). It's what makes him up, it's what drives him. Without volleyball, Ushijima is just another name that echoes in the halls because of the girls who whisper behind his back about his looks. 

Three: the team, _his_ team. He works them to the bone, but they won't complain about it. You run a snack shop when they (read: he) hold longer practices than usual just to feel involved. He never eats anything you bring, but his teammates don't hesitate with your permission. 

Four: school, a realistic item, a logical one. But logic doesn't soothe the sting that pricks along your skin when he cancels on you because he ('d rather study fullstop) needs to study.

And then there's the fifth item: you. A fleeting memory sitting in the back of his head, and a fading one at that. The relationship is fading because a fire cannot be kept up if only one person is bringing sticks to feed the flames and you will not burden yourself to carry his half of the relationship. 

So you find yourself coming around less, having one-sided conversations over text less, sacrificing your time and energy into a failed relationship _less_. You find your affection fading, and find yourself not noticing the change in your behaviour until it's too far gone to go back. 

however, no matter how short-lived the fire,  
it always leaves its mark.

Your own actions are not the only things you fail to notice. 

You never notice the fleeting glances, the extra moments spent lingering outside of your clubroom when he passes by, the small smiles that spread across his face when you laugh. You never see the hesitation in his fingers as he debates sending a text and then the exhaustion that etches itself onto his features when he gives up because _how do you text your girlfriend?_ You never see the taunts and teasing he receives from his teammates whenever you come up on conversation. 

But unseen actions and quiet ignorance don't mix well and perhaps, you saw this coming all along. Perhaps you knew all along that and have been dragging this relationship on longer than you need too. Or perhaps you're wrong. Answers are hard, and at this moment, you're not sure you want them.

The bell rings and you're a little slower to rise from your seat, but you remind yourself you can't hold him up. He has a team to lead, skills to hone and things to do. But when you see him, he's standing outside of the gym the team is practicing in, waiting for you. You re-adjust the strap of your bag on your shoulder and bite your lip. 

Perhaps this is your fault; for confessing, for being too proactive, for not waiting long enough.

Perhaps this is his fault; for accepting, for not being proactive enough, for waiting too long.

Or perhaps neither of you are at fault and all this blame, these fast-beating hearts and this heavy atmosphere, all belong to fate. 

Your steps are slow towards him, but he meets you halfway. It doesn't take him long to remember why you're here and it doesn't take long for you to get to the point.

'Let's break up, Wakatoshi-kun,' you say.

His response almost doesn't come, 'Alright.'

**Author's Note:**

> comments + critiques are always welcome (though, be gentle. i'm a sensitive soul). i think i minimised the amount of spelling errors through the most re-reading i've ever done for a piece of writing. 
> 
> hope you enjoyed it and thanks for reading!


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